Used and abused by 2 english girls from shrewsbury

The story below is in very rough draft format. The grammar and spelling and sentence structure will most likley make a grade 3 english teacher blink 4 or 5 times. Its something I knocked up durning lunch, when someone wanted to hear one of my travel stories. Since then, I've pumped out a few more. The future will be to refine these stories and fix up all the grammar and spelling errors. Putting that aside, you should be able to read and have a laugh at my adventure, last year on my around the world trip. Enjoy, giddy up!
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Florida 2003:

I left New york city and made my way down the eastern coast line of USA. I arrived in orlando for the theme parks and that was pretty much it.. plus seeing nasa and a few other bits. I had a reasonable good time in orlando, checking out the various theme parks.. coughing abit on the expensive of it all but hey, when in roman, do as the romans do. Towards the end of my stay I met 2 english girls by the name of Kel and zoey (the same two who ended up inspiring me to make my way to new zealand, but back to the story.) Just by chance I heard them mention they had be in oz and I was curious as how much of "Sydney" they had seen. Thats my little snotty side shot at most travellers I've met, who come all the way down to australia and just go 2 sydney. Don't get me wrong, its a great city, but theres so much more to the country then that. So, its hard to claim you've experienced australia just by going to sydney.. Would be like myself saying I did all of NZ, just by being in auckland..

Anyway, these girls shut me up, they did 7 months roughly in Oz, travel all over and experienced hell of alot. I was impressed and I got on rather well with kel. Very tall blonde from shewsbury. She basicly told me, you know when you meet someone for the very first time you'll just get along. I agreed and we ended up travelling down to miami. I was up for hiring a car, for the trip. The girls had other plans, they had bought a greyhour travel pass and suggested I jump on the bus and join them. I agreed. For some strange reason, they thought I'd never been on a greyhound bus in my life.. I must of given the impression I was loaded or as an aussie I rode kangaroos everywhere? Who really knows, huh?

The grehound bus in america is something to behold, compared to australia. You get to see the great difference in peoples lifestyles. Seems the average person travelling on a greyhound bus isnt from the best backgrounds.. or so the girls told me.. they were laughing at some of the people onboard and my reactions to some of them. half way down on the trip this guy, approached me and started talking to me about his lawsuit. I just sat there dumbfounded. He was basicly sueing the fast food chains, because theyhad hired cubans and they had put something in his food, which he claims messed him up and they were being racist towards him, the cuban people serving the food. (this guy was african american) He'd sent off letters to everyone and gave me copies of his entire lawsuit. After chatting with me for a good 30 mins, both girls of course were dead asleep and missed the whole thing, he walked off but turned around and said to me, take this too the queen, she must know of it. I said mate thakns, but I'm australian, not english. I will do my best to see she gets a copy, peace! Rolled my eyes and went, only in america!

We rocked up in miami at 6am and sat at the bus depot for at least 3 hours waiting for our connecting bus to get us to our backpacking joint. We walked and climbed all over the place trying to track down the right bus.. talk about fun.


- we got in really tired and worn out.. threw in our stuff, grabbed something to eat for breakfeast and the girls wanted to go shopping.. I came along for the ride and spent 3-4 hours walking around some retirement village shopping centre. On the way back, on the bus which was an hours trip, we got to me a hmm, middle age transgender guy. Who seem to have taken a shining to myself and claimed he/she had a daughter that would be perfect for me. Zoey, think she was the most funniest thing to ever grace gods earth, offered this person my email address and contact details for australia, I only caught the end of this, so I gladlly offered hers and kels just to make the score even. Lucky I never got any emails or naked pics from this person, but then I would have just forward them to zoey and said here you go thanks!

We got in around 3pm and I said I needed some sleep and was going to crash. Only being in flordia for couple hours back in orlando had cleared up my bad cough that I'd picked up somewhere in london or scotland. I needed a good sleep as I had none from the night before. Of course kel said I was a slack bugger and I should come down the beach for a swim and a tan. I told them, I should just for a perv. They said thats why they wanted me to come lol.. But I said, seriously if we are going out tonight I need to have a kip, you girls sleeped for 5 hours on the bus, I had next to none.

Anway, I got a sleep and woke up and caught back up with the girls around 7pm. they had bought couple cheap bottles of vodka and alot of orange juice and offered me some, and this is where things go wrong for me. I started to drink on an empty stomach. The girls were after revenge, as they told me they could drink. So on our last days in orlando, I took them out and without really trying got them shit faced. I was dissappointed, but they swore to get me back. And this is where they did. They started to mix the drinks 80% orange jouce 20% vodka, in pint glasses, mind you. After I had down 2-3 very fast, they started to noticed I was a little tipsy, so one would distract me, while the other started to mix the drink 50-50.. 40-60, 30-70, 20-80, then finally just enough orange juice to colour the vodka orange. I was royally shitfaced. This is where kel or zoey said lets do a drinking game, so myself and those 2 girls plus 2 other poms, started a drinking game. We managed to get through a list of actors names, I got to the letter S, but couldn't use sharon stone as she had been used in the first round. The idea was you had to keep drinking your drink, while thinking of an actor to come up with. ALl that was going through my head was, I can't use sharon stone, I can't use sharon stone... next thing I know, after drinking almost 2-3 80-20 vodka-orange jucies, my head hit the table, with a thud. For me the rest was pretty much a blur, I thought I'd only rested my head for 10mins, it was near on an hour.. in this moment the girls had wipped out a vid camera nad begane to film my drunken state. I sat there, rolling my head back and forth, thinking no! NO! I've let my country down.. For this reason, australia will loose the rugby world cup! Its my fault, its my fault.. I can't fight these words as they were recorded on vid tape nad played back to me the next morning.

Switching back to, being blind drunk, I had rested my head and remember opening my eyes and thinking I don't really feel well. Next thing I know all this fluid is pouring out my month, the girl beside me goes, is he taking a leek? Looks under and sees I am throwing up.. the girls not helping me, keep filming and laughing.. but too there credit, they start to help me get back to my room.. I am blind roaring drunk walking 10 feet at a time falling down and throwing up.. Yet not once do I manage to throw up on myself or the girls.. I am impressed the girls could even manage to get me back, but it tooka team effort. they tucked me into bed, made sure I had a bin to throw up in and sat with me for a while to make sure I wasnt going to choke on my own vomit, (lol) and then headed out for the night. I was gone!! dead drunk by 11pm.. completely off my nut. For the first time ever.

Around 6-7am, I began to stirr, I had not had a pain inside my body like the one I was experiencing. I was hurting so bad. yet I was feeling all happy and silly at the same time.. wayne, the english guy came in, just fresh back from one of the clubs and was laughing with me he said look in the mirror, look in the mirror.. I turned to the mirror and saw all this lipstick all over my face. All over my arms, everywhere almost. I was like bloody woman.. washed it off, this is when I noticed something strange, I had hot pink nail polish on my fingers, coated in some sorta protective coat. I was like wtf!!! I only just noticed now as I waited for my shuttle bus to come pick me up to transport me to miami airport, for my flight to LA.

I went to see the girls and they had a right laugh and offered me nail polish remover, I laugh and said, no! I don't need your help, plus I think the colour suits me and struted out and jumped on the shuttle bus... I was dead sick, pale and wearing a sports coat and shorts. I got to the airport thinking, I'll just get on the plane and sleep for 5-6 hours I'll be fine, its all going to be fine.. I won't drink for sometime.. I can just die in L.A.

I wasn't really in a good state of mind, now I thought everyone was looking at my pink finger nails and think I was queer or weird or both. So I was walking around with my hands tucked up high into my coats arms, in vain attempt to hide them.. I must of looked like death or someone trying to hide his drug habit. As I approached secruity to go through the process of checking into the airplane, they started to grill me. I noticed, they were giving me funny looks and kept asking me the same questions over and over.. I said, just an aussie on holidays, had a big night out, in alot of pain, need sleep, board plane me crash, falll down, go boom... ZZZz all the way to L.A. They had a bit of a laugh and said, you seem to be hiding ya hands a bit funny. Plz remove your coat, we need to double check sir. I was very much against this. I had to do it.. I took it off and straight away, they noticed the pink finger nails and started asking, whats this then? I said, ok these english girls spike my drinks, got me blind drunk, and put lipstick and pink nailpolish all over me.. They had a good laugh and said, ok but, if we find a dress or womans clothing in your bag, you know its all over don't you.. I was laughing on the inside, I swear.. they checked my ticket and said, oh you are going to L.A and sanfran, you'll fit right in over there.. I laughed, they laughed, I shook my head and got on the plane. Along the journey I befriended, the air hostess, a nice looking woman, who appeared to be in her mid to late 30s.. I could been mistake and she could have been very late 20s. She gave me some medication, And I must of made good impression, as she gave me some first class bottle of wine to take with me. Like a vampire to garlic, my body was screaming, get that fricken bottle of wine away from me. I senseibly place it in my travel backpack and then passed out. Waking every 15mins or so and scratching the pink nail polish off my fingers. I got into LA and layed low for a day, just chillin out and recovering.. I didn't drink for at least a week... I swore I'd get vengaence on those girls and maybe one day I will... Maybe.. One.. Day..


da end...


IF you made it this far, what do you think? I stayed sober and off the booze for a good 4-5 days. I walked all over the heart of LA. From hollywood to rodeo drive and back again. Just to burn and expell the alcohol in my system. I tell you, I didn't go anywhere near, orange juice for so many months. Just the mere smell was enough to make me gag. As for vodka? Well that use to be my drink of choice many years before my discovery of a pint of guinness. I've also kept a good distance away from the vodka as well.. bad memory.

I bid you all good journey, working day or what ever it is you are current doing! Just rememeber, do it with a smile and try to treat others like you, yourself like to be treated.. If not, find the biggest lump of wood and develop your mean look. That'll sort the buggers out..


PS: Did I ever mention, I don't or use to not drink? Before the around the world trip, I'd gone 8 months without drinking.. Funny what travelling and meeting peopel does to ya. Since august 2003 till August 2004, Is the most I've ever drank in my entire life. I hate to think what I could have funded with the $$$ I have spent on alcohol, over the past year. Thats enough of my moaning.. Cya.


Dean.