Holding Place.

This 2nd blog, is to contain stories that I feel need to be laid out easier for people to keep track of and read. You really have to go searching through my first blog site to find some of them and its hard when I keep pumping out the things.

I never really wanted or expect to have this many things to stay or keep online. But the more people I met in my travels and the more crazy stuff happen to me. People kept telling me, write this down. Or I hope you recording the maddness in a journal somewhere. Write a book!! etc.. etc... Well blog on I say, blog On!

Tale 1

Tale 2

Tale 3

Tale 4

Tale 5


Thats a collection, I think should make you laugh. It may even make you think, bugger if this bloke can have some fun like that, I'm off to see if I can too. What more can you do or say?

The Day I met Jess... Judge Her those without sin.

This tale is a bit naughty, so be fore warned. 20-30s somethings travelling the world, single looking for fun and happiness and adventure things do tend to happen.

This is a rough draft: Still needs to be edited and tweaked. I usually tell a short version but this is the full version.

Here is a tale about a girl name Jess. I still remember the first day I met jess. Indirectly you see, I had spent the day either rafting, hiking or abusing myself in some strange and adventurously way. I'd gotten back to the hot rocks Backpacker joint in rotorua, in the central part of the north Island of New Zealand. Straight outside the front doors of this backpackers, is the lava bar. A cash cow and a place to have a yarn and a drink with only walking 8feet from ya place of stay. Had a lot of fun there.. Got to live life but, I digress.

It was about 8pm, I climb the steps of the lava bar and entered. I scanned the bar, looking for friends. Seeing them in the far corner of the bar. As I took a few steps towards their direction, something caught my attention. In the corner of my left eye. Something strange, out of place.. almost bizzare. I couldn't make out what it was, something flicking, waving. I looked over and there was this 6 foot tall blonde, very good looking, very blue eyes, passionately kissing or should that be licking and sucking a guys face off, of course he was in kind, returning the favour back to her. I said R-i-g-h-t and headed over to my friends, shaking my head and laughing.

Couple of hours go by, It happen to be my turn to buy a round of drinks. As I was waiting in line at the bar, I suddenly realize the guy in front of me, was the very guy, kissing the attractive blonde. I tap him on the shoulder and tell him, " umm, you've done well for youself mate. I take it, you guys ain't boyfriend and girlfriend?" He nods, "yea just met her" I nod with approval, " So where did you guys meet and how long ago?" He turns to me and tells me, they met on the kiwi experience bus and spent couple hours talking on the way here. I said "most impressive, where is she now and what the fuck are you doing standing here then?" he was buying her a drink and he started to point in her direction. As we both turned and looked to the very spot he was pointing. Stunningly there she was sucking face with another guy. I turned to him, looked him in the eyes and said, "Whats that all about then?" He said, "Well, I'm not buying her a drink" and walked off. bemused by this, I bought my round of drinks and walked off too fill in my travel friends.

Another hour passes by and this time I'm coming back from the dunny, the restroom, the place you let the dragon breath. You got it, right? Anyway, there she was again, she stood out like dogs balls in that place. Tall, slim attractive and apparently not affraid to show some effection. This time with a 3rd guy. I shook my head and said to myself, that is how you make friends!! Thats what I'm doing wrong!!! I should just start sticking my tongue down the back of people throats!! It works for her.. why not me?? Why not me.. Laughing and looking back at her a few times I made my way back to our corner of the bar to pass the flow of information on to my very drunk group of travel mates.

Skipping ahead, the bar closed at 3-4 in the morning we all too pissed and dazzed to pay attention what, who or where anything was happening and we all made our way back to our room and passed out. We'd been all travelling independantly but now we booked entire rooms out together.

Normally what happen, our german friend anna, who was staying in a large 8 bunk dorm room. Would come knocking on our door around 8-9am the morning to tell us, how she had a great night with her kiwi raft guide boyfriend and make us all moan from our hangovers. But not this day, I thought this was weird and at the god aweful hour of 1030 am. I dragged my hung over arse out of bed and up to her level, room 35 or 36 from memory and banged on the door.

Thinking, if shes a sleep, I will have my vengance in waking her up and stirring the crap out of her.. I hope she likes it! As these very thoughts were passing through my mind, the door opens. Standing in front of me in a very small towel wrapped around her was the girl from the bar. The very blonde, who'd been kissing half the bar. I looked up and down and locked with her very blue eyes. "Umm" I stammered.. "errr,hmm, Oh is my friend sleeping in the bunk to the top right fro m you?" The blonde said, "yes she is, come in and talk to her if you want?" "No, I'll let you get dressed. I give you 10mins or so" "No, I'm fine, its ok." she said. We haggled for a bit, then finally I gave in.. (about 8mins) I walked into the 8 bedroom dorm. I woke anna and we started talking. The blonde slumped down on the bottom bunk behind me. As attractive as she was, I paid her little attention as I was focused on shit stirring anna to hell and back again.

But given time, I began to spread my focus and verbal assault on both anna and this blonde english girl. How could I resist? I had so much ammo on her. I had to lay into her about the night before. We exchange verbal jousts, I learnt she could verbally dance with me. which I liked, She had brains and looks. Anna didn't seem to like her much and as more of the story started to come out, gave disapproving looks too the blonde english girl...

After a few rounds of shit stirring, the blonde asked for my name. I told her, I wasn't going to give it to her. I was playing with her, seeing how interested she was. She laughed and demanded it, I said give me yours and I might think about it. She told me her name was jess. I said nice to met you jess. Turned my back on her and started to talk to anna about the weather and ignore her for about 1-2mins. I slowly turned around and in a deep voice said, I'm Dean. Nice to meet you, oh woman of kissing 58 men in the lava bar. She laughed, it wasn't that much! I shook my head, " I think it was more, we ran out of fingers and got to drunk to keep count properly woman!"

Then this is were things changed suddenly. I asked her, "so what happen last night then, explain yourself!" Jess was laying back on the bed by this time. In her little towel, which just covered her breasts and just went passed her hips. As she laid back, I could see more then I really needed to see at this point of time. Though I did pause for 30seconds before telling her, I refer to it as "I could tell what she had for breakfeast if you know what I mean?" I informed her, she shrugged her shoulders and told me, I'd most likely seen a pussy before. I said yes, yes.. I have. But I think you'd not want to show off your goods? I turned to anna, whos face was not giving positive feedback to jess at all.

Then as Anna and myself were busy pulling weird faces to each other, jess asked me, did I think she was arrogant? I looked straight at her and said, "Well seeing how we go back many years and are such old and great friends, no jess. No I don't, but continue on" She began to tel us that last night she was trying to work out if the guy kissing her like her? I started to laugh looking all around. I told her, well the fact he had his tongue down ya throat and all over your face, I think there was a good chance he did sorta fancy you. She said, does this make me sound arrogant? I said no not at all.. Well, you see Dean, I think I'm pretty good looking, I've got a great body and tits and legs, she looked up at me. I simply said "Right, keep going, Im not arguing with you here".

Jess continued on, that she kept asking the guy, was he trying to pull her. I said pull you? She told me, fuck her. I said Right-right... right! And?? Well, he wouldn't give me an answer. I said " hmm sounds a bit weird, but carry on" We got back to the dorm room and I kept asking him. He still wouldn't give me an answer. I said, "oh you guys were all in the same 8 bed dorm room?" She nodded and then said well I kepted asking. He jumped up into his top bunk while his best mate was sleeping in the bottom bunk below him. "He's best mate? Maybe he was just shy jess?" Thinking thats where the story ended. (later on we found out the 2 guys had known each other since they were 8, both of them were now 25) I was thinking what a crazy story, when she then said these next words. So, I asked his best mate would he fuck me? I quickly Turn to her and said "You did what?" laughing and double looking at anna. Jess said exactly the same thing again and I said what happen next? Well this guy said yea and so jess and the guy started to have sex.

Laughing I asked jess, "so after all that, you turn around ask this guys best mate and he said yea and you both started having sex? Where did you do this? In the rest room inside the dorm room here or down the hall?" Jess shook her head. "No we did it in my bed right here." "You started to have sex in a dorm room full of 8 people, in front of the guy, you've been asking all night was he trying to fuck you, but now with his best mate?" "Ok... I Muttered.. and whats the point of having sex in a dorm room full of 8 people and keeping quiet while having sex, talk about ruining the experience" I laughed, shaking my head looking at anna and back to jess. She simply said, we were not quiet. Well that shut me up. I turned to anna and we started talking for a bit.. Jess seem to fade into the background for a few mins. As I started to talk more to anna about all this.. These words brought me back into the real world. Jess then said out aloud " then things got weird"

As those words rang through my head, I said out aloud, How the hell does having sex in a dorm room full of 8 people suddenly get weird? She had my full attention now. Anna was but a mere distraction. I focused in and leaned in closer to jess who by this time had closed her legs. "Plz explained,... continue" I muttered. I waited to hear the next words from jess's mouth. " Well he started to kiss me" jess said with a strange look on her face. " I felt I was in an xfile or twilight zone show... I looked around with a puzzled look on my face. "he started to kiss you?" "WTF!! Hows that weird?" I didn't want to be kissed!! I just wanted to be fucked! Jess fired back. I was a bit stunned at this. Not used to such an attractive woman speaking in a manner about sex and sexual needs so openly.

Coughing and momently dazzed, I looked at jess and like a bolt of lightning it struck me, what to say. " Well jess, You know what happen there then" No she said. He most likely missed the day at uni about having 8 people dorm room sex edict. See jess thats the problem, he would have known, he could only fuck you and not kiss you." I rolled my eyes! Good lord.. I had jess laughing and this seem to keep her quiet. I turned to anna and turn my back on jess. Myself and anna got on talking for for about 10-15mins, tops. Thinking, well that story has to be over. Jess started to call my name and get my attention. I slowly turned around and said yes jess? "Dean, I've got a boyfriend at home, He's good looking, has a great job, car, etc.. Do you think I should tell him about this?" jess asked me. I was looking for The name tag on me that said Doctor Dean. "Umm jess, If I was you and from what you just told me, this guy sounds like a decent man, I wouldnt.. because I think he'd drop kick ya arse out the door asap! But then again I don't know you or him that well so its really up to you. But I'd save it for a rainy day for the future."

Sensing the story could not get any better. I turn to anna and jess, "Girls I think its time I go do a few things. I've been here for at least a couple of hours. But theres one last thing I'd like to say before I go. After hearing jess's story, I'm very horny, shes in a little towel, so do you 2 fancy a threesome? I laughed out aloud and said "no!! Don't answer!" " I'm going to have a cold bloody shower and go rafting. I leave you two to sort out your day".. Bye and walked off thinking, what a hell of a story.

The story doesn't quite end there. I know its long, but it still has one last part in my travel story through NZ. I was only in rotura for about 7 days, I left and travelled around the south island for another month or so. My very last weekend in New zealand, Thursday through to saturday. I spent my time at the globe bar in auckland. I had basicly told alot of people this story about jess. I hadn't seen her in 5-6 weeks. So I never ever thought I'd see her again! But I'd noticed this blonde always with 5-6 guys around her. She was always giving me these looks like she knew me.. I tried to jog my memory as I really, really, really wanted to know her too.. But she seem to have enough lap dogs keeping her going. Then on saturday night, I Bumped into her coming out of the restroom. We both grabbed at each other and said together.. I know you, who are you? I said I'm Dean and she was Jess.. She'd cut her hair, changed a few things. I said out aloud JESS?! half my friends looked over, I could see on their faces, this is THE jess! I grabbed her and quickly pulled her away from them.. we talked for awhile and she told me how things had been going etc. She told me I should come and join her group of friends.. I Said what the 5-6 guys surrounding you? She nodded. Nar I'm fine jess, I have my group of friends over here, so if you want to have some fun and a laugh you know where to find me. Enjoy ya fan club. As I was about to walk away, she started to mention something about a 12 bedroom dorm room somewhere in NZ.. I looked back and simply said, I don't want to know and walked off laughing and shaking my head.. Why me god, why?

I've always verbally told this story, I don't think I've ever put it into words before, I usually tell them better in a verbal context. Because, it is how I remember my stories. I tell them almost exactly how they happen word for word.

Kiwi experience Bus tour rumours..

The kiwi experience Bus co, a company of NZ, funny enough. This little story starts off in paihia, in the bay of islands, northern NZ. But first a little background into the kiwi experience/oz experience. Its common knowledge on the backpacking routes the reputation of the kiwi experience. Its commonly called, the big green fuck truck. The green vagina.. etc.. Apparently, alot of sex happens. Its also commonly thought the bus is full of 18-21 year old english backpackers, who just get pissed, throwup and sleep all day and make alot of noise.. Like all things in life, its all depends on ya point of views.

Returning back to the beginning of my story, here I was in paihia a fantastic little town I've grown to love. Why? Just the group of people I've met in that area. Hell alot of people thought I was a local due to the amount of people I got to know in this town. But anyway, the story cuts to me walking into the cafe, right near the pipipatch backpackers.

I walked in and ordered some food, sat down and was reading the paper and making small talk with the various people in the cafe. A woman, eatting beside me strikes up a chat and soon we are talking about various things. Our conversation flows onto the kiwi bus experience. I laughed, bring up what about us poor guys, how do we get to have the full "kiwi experience" with a bus driver if they are all male? Do we have to be gay? She laughed saying " if you only knew!" I said "knew what?" "That a few female backpackers sleep with some of the drivers?" "I've seen it and I shake my head!" "I heard one of the drivers tell me doesnt get paid enough. I swear a few guys just wanted to thump him one."

This woman, turned to me and said she was an ex bus driver for the kiwi experience. I looked her up and down. She was easy on the eyes and I could only imagine the 9000 young 18 year old pommy male backpackers, that must of hit on her. She told me that on the kiwi experience, the bus drivers have a system. I said "A system?" "A system for what?" Looking puzzled. She told me, for recording who they sleep with, so the other drivers know whos been with who when they change over. She went on to explain, that when a bus driver scored with a girl, he would pencil in on the bus roster, a $ beside her name. This would mark her as having sleeped with that driver. So when the bus drivers rotated between the next stop, he could instantly see who got lucky. And if he sleeped with the same girl, He would have to pay $1 to that bus driver, as a fee.

I see, "So, how much money did you make over the last summer?" I jokingly fired off. She said " not funny, not my sorta thing" She then told me a female english backpacker from essex, no less. Had racked up 20-22 bucks in fees, for one kiwi experience bus driver. I turned to her "Not sure whos lucky here, the bus driver or the girl." 20 bucks? Dam, she must of really been attracted to them or was very, very, very lonely?" We both laughed. I could imagine the sorta woman who'd get into that.. But hey different strokes for different folks!

Before I left the cafe, she told me also that a girl had sleeped with one of the drivers. Well, tried to is her words. She was so pissed, he couldn't perform the duty needed at that time. So the girl in a fit of lack of loving, raced back to her room, grabbed a camera and took pics of the nake bus driver and his small charms. Then posted it all over various backpacker notice boards. O-U-C-H!

I guess the lesson is, if you want to dance with the devil, prepare to get ya toes stepped on..or ya naked arse all over some hostel/backpackers notice board...

So what ya waiting for book ya tour now!!! You'll have a good time, you might also get lucky! LOL!

Used and abused by 2 english girls from shrewsbury

The story below is in very rough draft format. The grammar and spelling and sentence structure will most likley make a grade 3 english teacher blink 4 or 5 times. Its something I knocked up durning lunch, when someone wanted to hear one of my travel stories. Since then, I've pumped out a few more. The future will be to refine these stories and fix up all the grammar and spelling errors. Putting that aside, you should be able to read and have a laugh at my adventure, last year on my around the world trip. Enjoy, giddy up!
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Florida 2003:

I left New york city and made my way down the eastern coast line of USA. I arrived in orlando for the theme parks and that was pretty much it.. plus seeing nasa and a few other bits. I had a reasonable good time in orlando, checking out the various theme parks.. coughing abit on the expensive of it all but hey, when in roman, do as the romans do. Towards the end of my stay I met 2 english girls by the name of Kel and zoey (the same two who ended up inspiring me to make my way to new zealand, but back to the story.) Just by chance I heard them mention they had be in oz and I was curious as how much of "Sydney" they had seen. Thats my little snotty side shot at most travellers I've met, who come all the way down to australia and just go 2 sydney. Don't get me wrong, its a great city, but theres so much more to the country then that. So, its hard to claim you've experienced australia just by going to sydney.. Would be like myself saying I did all of NZ, just by being in auckland..

Anyway, these girls shut me up, they did 7 months roughly in Oz, travel all over and experienced hell of alot. I was impressed and I got on rather well with kel. Very tall blonde from shewsbury. She basicly told me, you know when you meet someone for the very first time you'll just get along. I agreed and we ended up travelling down to miami. I was up for hiring a car, for the trip. The girls had other plans, they had bought a greyhour travel pass and suggested I jump on the bus and join them. I agreed. For some strange reason, they thought I'd never been on a greyhound bus in my life.. I must of given the impression I was loaded or as an aussie I rode kangaroos everywhere? Who really knows, huh?

The grehound bus in america is something to behold, compared to australia. You get to see the great difference in peoples lifestyles. Seems the average person travelling on a greyhound bus isnt from the best backgrounds.. or so the girls told me.. they were laughing at some of the people onboard and my reactions to some of them. half way down on the trip this guy, approached me and started talking to me about his lawsuit. I just sat there dumbfounded. He was basicly sueing the fast food chains, because theyhad hired cubans and they had put something in his food, which he claims messed him up and they were being racist towards him, the cuban people serving the food. (this guy was african american) He'd sent off letters to everyone and gave me copies of his entire lawsuit. After chatting with me for a good 30 mins, both girls of course were dead asleep and missed the whole thing, he walked off but turned around and said to me, take this too the queen, she must know of it. I said mate thakns, but I'm australian, not english. I will do my best to see she gets a copy, peace! Rolled my eyes and went, only in america!

We rocked up in miami at 6am and sat at the bus depot for at least 3 hours waiting for our connecting bus to get us to our backpacking joint. We walked and climbed all over the place trying to track down the right bus.. talk about fun.


- we got in really tired and worn out.. threw in our stuff, grabbed something to eat for breakfeast and the girls wanted to go shopping.. I came along for the ride and spent 3-4 hours walking around some retirement village shopping centre. On the way back, on the bus which was an hours trip, we got to me a hmm, middle age transgender guy. Who seem to have taken a shining to myself and claimed he/she had a daughter that would be perfect for me. Zoey, think she was the most funniest thing to ever grace gods earth, offered this person my email address and contact details for australia, I only caught the end of this, so I gladlly offered hers and kels just to make the score even. Lucky I never got any emails or naked pics from this person, but then I would have just forward them to zoey and said here you go thanks!

We got in around 3pm and I said I needed some sleep and was going to crash. Only being in flordia for couple hours back in orlando had cleared up my bad cough that I'd picked up somewhere in london or scotland. I needed a good sleep as I had none from the night before. Of course kel said I was a slack bugger and I should come down the beach for a swim and a tan. I told them, I should just for a perv. They said thats why they wanted me to come lol.. But I said, seriously if we are going out tonight I need to have a kip, you girls sleeped for 5 hours on the bus, I had next to none.

Anway, I got a sleep and woke up and caught back up with the girls around 7pm. they had bought couple cheap bottles of vodka and alot of orange juice and offered me some, and this is where things go wrong for me. I started to drink on an empty stomach. The girls were after revenge, as they told me they could drink. So on our last days in orlando, I took them out and without really trying got them shit faced. I was dissappointed, but they swore to get me back. And this is where they did. They started to mix the drinks 80% orange jouce 20% vodka, in pint glasses, mind you. After I had down 2-3 very fast, they started to noticed I was a little tipsy, so one would distract me, while the other started to mix the drink 50-50.. 40-60, 30-70, 20-80, then finally just enough orange juice to colour the vodka orange. I was royally shitfaced. This is where kel or zoey said lets do a drinking game, so myself and those 2 girls plus 2 other poms, started a drinking game. We managed to get through a list of actors names, I got to the letter S, but couldn't use sharon stone as she had been used in the first round. The idea was you had to keep drinking your drink, while thinking of an actor to come up with. ALl that was going through my head was, I can't use sharon stone, I can't use sharon stone... next thing I know, after drinking almost 2-3 80-20 vodka-orange jucies, my head hit the table, with a thud. For me the rest was pretty much a blur, I thought I'd only rested my head for 10mins, it was near on an hour.. in this moment the girls had wipped out a vid camera nad begane to film my drunken state. I sat there, rolling my head back and forth, thinking no! NO! I've let my country down.. For this reason, australia will loose the rugby world cup! Its my fault, its my fault.. I can't fight these words as they were recorded on vid tape nad played back to me the next morning.

Switching back to, being blind drunk, I had rested my head and remember opening my eyes and thinking I don't really feel well. Next thing I know all this fluid is pouring out my month, the girl beside me goes, is he taking a leek? Looks under and sees I am throwing up.. the girls not helping me, keep filming and laughing.. but too there credit, they start to help me get back to my room.. I am blind roaring drunk walking 10 feet at a time falling down and throwing up.. Yet not once do I manage to throw up on myself or the girls.. I am impressed the girls could even manage to get me back, but it tooka team effort. they tucked me into bed, made sure I had a bin to throw up in and sat with me for a while to make sure I wasnt going to choke on my own vomit, (lol) and then headed out for the night. I was gone!! dead drunk by 11pm.. completely off my nut. For the first time ever.

Around 6-7am, I began to stirr, I had not had a pain inside my body like the one I was experiencing. I was hurting so bad. yet I was feeling all happy and silly at the same time.. wayne, the english guy came in, just fresh back from one of the clubs and was laughing with me he said look in the mirror, look in the mirror.. I turned to the mirror and saw all this lipstick all over my face. All over my arms, everywhere almost. I was like bloody woman.. washed it off, this is when I noticed something strange, I had hot pink nail polish on my fingers, coated in some sorta protective coat. I was like wtf!!! I only just noticed now as I waited for my shuttle bus to come pick me up to transport me to miami airport, for my flight to LA.

I went to see the girls and they had a right laugh and offered me nail polish remover, I laugh and said, no! I don't need your help, plus I think the colour suits me and struted out and jumped on the shuttle bus... I was dead sick, pale and wearing a sports coat and shorts. I got to the airport thinking, I'll just get on the plane and sleep for 5-6 hours I'll be fine, its all going to be fine.. I won't drink for sometime.. I can just die in L.A.

I wasn't really in a good state of mind, now I thought everyone was looking at my pink finger nails and think I was queer or weird or both. So I was walking around with my hands tucked up high into my coats arms, in vain attempt to hide them.. I must of looked like death or someone trying to hide his drug habit. As I approached secruity to go through the process of checking into the airplane, they started to grill me. I noticed, they were giving me funny looks and kept asking me the same questions over and over.. I said, just an aussie on holidays, had a big night out, in alot of pain, need sleep, board plane me crash, falll down, go boom... ZZZz all the way to L.A. They had a bit of a laugh and said, you seem to be hiding ya hands a bit funny. Plz remove your coat, we need to double check sir. I was very much against this. I had to do it.. I took it off and straight away, they noticed the pink finger nails and started asking, whats this then? I said, ok these english girls spike my drinks, got me blind drunk, and put lipstick and pink nailpolish all over me.. They had a good laugh and said, ok but, if we find a dress or womans clothing in your bag, you know its all over don't you.. I was laughing on the inside, I swear.. they checked my ticket and said, oh you are going to L.A and sanfran, you'll fit right in over there.. I laughed, they laughed, I shook my head and got on the plane. Along the journey I befriended, the air hostess, a nice looking woman, who appeared to be in her mid to late 30s.. I could been mistake and she could have been very late 20s. She gave me some medication, And I must of made good impression, as she gave me some first class bottle of wine to take with me. Like a vampire to garlic, my body was screaming, get that fricken bottle of wine away from me. I senseibly place it in my travel backpack and then passed out. Waking every 15mins or so and scratching the pink nail polish off my fingers. I got into LA and layed low for a day, just chillin out and recovering.. I didn't drink for at least a week... I swore I'd get vengaence on those girls and maybe one day I will... Maybe.. One.. Day..


da end...


IF you made it this far, what do you think? I stayed sober and off the booze for a good 4-5 days. I walked all over the heart of LA. From hollywood to rodeo drive and back again. Just to burn and expell the alcohol in my system. I tell you, I didn't go anywhere near, orange juice for so many months. Just the mere smell was enough to make me gag. As for vodka? Well that use to be my drink of choice many years before my discovery of a pint of guinness. I've also kept a good distance away from the vodka as well.. bad memory.

I bid you all good journey, working day or what ever it is you are current doing! Just rememeber, do it with a smile and try to treat others like you, yourself like to be treated.. If not, find the biggest lump of wood and develop your mean look. That'll sort the buggers out..


PS: Did I ever mention, I don't or use to not drink? Before the around the world trip, I'd gone 8 months without drinking.. Funny what travelling and meeting peopel does to ya. Since august 2003 till August 2004, Is the most I've ever drank in my entire life. I hate to think what I could have funded with the $$$ I have spent on alcohol, over the past year. Thats enough of my moaning.. Cya.


Dean.

Lost for words.

I spent the very first 12 days of my trip in New Zealand in auckland. Which is the biggest city of NZ. About 40% of the countries population lives here. I was staying at the auckland central backpackers. As you can guess, because it was central to downtown Auckland. But there was one thing I didnt know, underneath the ACB was the globe bar. I went into NZ swearing I was not going to drink that much and keep off the beer. Oh dear god, did I fail that test! Thanks to the globe bar, but I met some of the best people in my life.

Anyway, in the globe bar they have various theme nights. The night I am talking about was Ms backpackers! To cut a long story short. This very large breasted Danish girl won the night, she was about 24-25. My welsh female friend said she only won because, she had big norks and kissed another girl. I said, " you 're argument is?" She thumped me. I told her, in my part of Northern Australia, punching each other is a form of foreplay and if you hit me harder, it means we are engaged. She walked off.. swearing in welsh at me.

The next day I was upstairs in the chill out area of the acb, which has about 5-6 lvls and about 600 hundred beds. Its basicly a hotel, but for backpackers. I had spent some time shit stirring a few people, unbelieveable right? Anyway, I was making my way to the lifts. I pressed the down button to head to my room on lvl 2, as I was looking to my right, the door opened and I sorta was scratching my leg, half bent over like. As I hoobled/walked straight in looking towards the ground. The next thing I saw, was this very large breast, with a very large nipple poking through a shirt. Because I was half bent over and walking in fast to the lift, I had little time to react. My face basicly plowed straight into "MS Backpacker's" Large right breast!!!!

I quickly bounced back, in shock. Lost for words. She sorta smiled, while her friend and herself walked out of the lift. I stood there stunned. I couldn't believe what I had just done by accident. I was lost for words. The doors to the lift were still open and the 2 girls were standing right out front of the lift. Appearing to come back in. I didn't know how to react, my brain was over run with images of her large breast, that she flashed the night before at the "Ms backpackers contest". Maddness over took me and in a mad panic, my fingers slammed the close door button, 50 times in 2.3 nano seconds. The doors closed.. I let out a *sigh*. "fuck" I yelled. What a way to introduce yourself, moron! Well, I don't think she'll forget that encounter. The lift stopped at lvl 2 and I got out. I walked into marvin my dutch friend and told him how badly I just fucked up. He laughed, man it will be alright. She most likely thinks your a massive perve. I told him thanks for that.. thanks alot.. And we both headed out for the night to drown our sorrows..

So it ends..

Put on the spot in scotland.

It had been a few weeks travelling through northern england and scotland. Our haggis bus tour had just pulled up in loch Ness. We'd fail to see or find the loch ness monster. I thought she'd surely show up to see my ugly mug. But she left me standing.. What a tease.

We ended up as a group booking out a hostel. But due to the large numbers, about 6 of us had to be housed in another hostel. Very nice place, built and run by the owner. As the scotish bus guide was fixing us to stay, there was 2 couples left and me and this girl from brisbane. Apparently very relgious. Her boyfriend back home was studing to become a priest. And what happen next, was the bus driver had booked both of us a room together. She went right off.. saying she was not going to share with a single guy and it goes against all her morals. I sat there, slighly embarrassed. The driver made all apologies and thought us 2 were together. As we both came from brisbane, dressed the same and had the same large bags. And always were together laughing, talking having fun..

She turned to me and in a huff said sorry and walked off. The driver said mate, I'm sorry about this let me get it sorted out. The canadian couple turned to me and the woman said I'd let you share with us if you needed too. I laughed, I'm ok. In the end, the brisbane girl stayed at the first hostel and I was given a room of my own at the new place. Just across from the canadian couple. But the story doesnt end there! It only gets more interesting... Read what follows...

Got showered and shaved, Then headed over too the first hostel and as a group we all started to have drinks. I should say not all of us. Half or more of the bus started to watch braveheart for the love of god!! Mostly the japanese, asians on the tour did. Myself and the bus driver tried to tell them, they could watch that movie anywhere, you are all on holiday and come drink and be merry!! We gave up after 40 mins and had our own fun.

I ended up at a table with the people I'd spent most of my time with for the last 3-4 days. 1 girl from south africa, working in scotland. 1 kiwi woman, female aussie chef and a guy from sydney. As we drank and exchanged tales and stories and laughter while getting drank. The kiwi girl who was about 21, sort started flirting with me alot. I sorta guessed she may have liked me earlier on. but wasnt fully sure, till now.

And as they say, when it rains it pours. I noticed more and more the south african girl making eye contact and holding it. After another 15 mins, the south african girl moved chairs to be right beside me. Things were looking up for me. I had 2 woman fighting for my attention, even though I was sorta in the mood just to have fun. As the kiwi girl tried to keep my attention, she blurted out what would do it? As she could see the South african woman, just pouring her attentions at me. I told her in a joking fashion, to flash her breasts off. And as I was laughing she stood up and did so. By this time the scotish bus driver dave, had noticed and was watching from afar and raised his glass towards me. I shrugged my shoulders and went back to enjoying myself.

It came time for me to select music from the jukebox. As I went up the south african woman followed. Flirting like hell with me, we went through a selection of songs. Before long, songs had been selected and I grabbed her hand and we walked out of the bar and sat on the couch before the entrance to the bar. We talked, it was pretty evident what she was looking for. Though I wasn't in the right mode or mood for such an encounter, we talked. Everytime I looked up half the bar was all up against the windows watching us, laughing,clapping and cheering us on. She wanted to go for a walk and heard I had a room to myself. I told her it was a 4 bedroom dorm. So there was plenty of room.

We walked outside, began to walk towards my hostel. She wanted to know if I'd help her get back into her hostel in the moring, I told her. If I could, I would.... But I didn't know the passwords. As we walked a few steps more, everyone came running out and started screaming at us to have a great night of sex. I was laughing my head of telling these bastards to piss off.. After they went back inside, she said everyone will think shes a slut now and told me she was too tired. I understood and said its for the best. I walked her back to her room and we had a kiss she went to bed. I walked down stairs and watch some tv for a few hours with the last of our tour bus group then headed back to my hostel to sleep before we left in the morining.. Thinking thats all, lochness had install for me.

About 8am in the morning I had all my bags packed and was sorting out my stuff, while talking with the canadian couple. Our big yellow bus turned up. We threw on our gear and I was the last to walk on. As I passed the driver, he got on the speaker and said wait Dean, we have a trophy for you. I turned around thinking, wtf? He handed me this golden statue of a couple wrapped in each others arms having sex. I was puzzled, looked him in the eyes and said what the? He said over the loud speaker. Thats for you getting lucky last night, Nudge, nudge! Congrats about time someone had a shag on this bus tour. Everone looked at me and then at the south african girl who just went 5 colours of red and started to hide. I said out aloud, sorry to say but I didnt get lucky last night ya informations wrong. BUt if anyone wants a shag right now, then I'm up for it? I got a golden trophy, surely someone wants to share it with me.. Everyone laughed and I sat down shaking my head saying "Bastards!!!" And I copped shit for the rest of the trip and became know as shag man for the last couple of days. And the more I said nothing happen the more everyone thought we'd shagged twice as much.

Such is life! What can you do but laugh!